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Spoiler Alert: Leaving Home Is The Absolute Worst

Spoiler Alert: Leaving Home Is The Absolute Worst

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There are exceptions to every rule and so we don’t want to generalize but, for the majority of human beings on the planet, there will be a time in your life when you move out of the home. When you head out into the real world and enjoy all the freedoms that come with being an adult.

You can order pizza five times a week, at 10 am, and finally, make the most important meal of the day the most delicious one too. You can say no to furniture and just have bean bags everywhere instead. You could even turn your back on that society led convention that says you need to own a bed and buy that $40 trampoline from Craigslist. After all, memory foam is celebrated for its ability to spring back, an area in which your new trampoline mattress will excel.

But before you get too carried away with everything you will do the moment you wave goodbye to your parents, we feel it is important to slap you will a small dose of reality for reasons that will benefit you and your chances of survival. There is no poetic way of saying this, so we’re just going to spit it out: you are not ready for the real world. You aren’t. You can be, but you aren’t right now.

Now before you start throwing one of your overly adolescent hissy fits and claiming the only person who understands is you is Kanye West, we urge you take a breath because we are going to fix this little conundrum you find yourself in by preparing you for the world of adulthood. So, without further ado, here are the most essential things you need to know before you escape the safety of your parent’s place. Good luck to you, young Skywalker.

Spoiler Alert: Leaving Home Is The Absolute Worst

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For The Love Of Laundry

There are going to be occasions when you decide it is easier to toss your old clothes out and just buy new ones. However, this isn’t a long-term solution. Clothes are expensive. Period. That is why we recommend you ask your dear old Ma if you can have a couple of lessons on what powder goes where and what all those funny little symbols mean because once you move out you are on your own. You will have to figure it out all by yourself and that is a recipe for disaster. We’re talking the kind of disaster where your favourite clothes come out a sort of dirty pink colour in sizes that your eight-year-old niece would struggle to get into. Not a good look, even as a Halloween costume. So, make sure you learn about temperatures, spin speeds and sorting your clothes into piles.

Spoiler Alert: Leaving Home Is The Absolute Worst

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Three Decent Meals Minimum

As tempting as it is to enjoy a restricted diet that consists of Ramen noodles, pot noodles, super noodles and noodles from Wok n’ Roll, you will find that a couple of weeks down the line a) your body starts to loathe you, b) your taste buds despise you so much they would rather vote for Trump and c) you start to hate yourself a little bit for not taking the time to learn a valuable life skill; how to cook. We’re not saying you need to become the next Gordon Ramsey, but having a few staple dishes in your locker is going to help you stay alive and impress that person your crush on. Spaghetti Bolognese is a pretty good go-to dish to have, as is chicken wrapped in bacon, with the trilogy being signed off by a, let’s see, a carbonara. Voila. Some easy delicious and nutritious dishes you can whip up in thirty-minutes max.

Handling The Stress That Is Choice When Shopping

During your years living under the roof of Mom and Dad, you may have been aware of what a grocery store was, but you probably didn’t step foot in one (and when you did, you were too busy looking at your phone to realise you were in one). Why are we telling you this? Because when you visit one on your own, you are going to be so overwhelmed by the amount of choice there is, you will pick up nine items you don’t need before running out of the doors and into the parking lot while vowing never to return. When this happens, take a breath. It takes time, but eventually, you will learn what you like, before learning to stick to these choices. Of course, the real world is littered with this problem because – like the plague – choice has spread everywhere. In order to stay sane, your best bet is to subscribe to SimplyBestOf.com and heed their advice before you buy anything. Robotic vacuums, basketball shoes, ceiling fans, mattresses for back pain, socks with toe dividers, anything. Managing life’s plethora of choice is a skill that takes time to develop, but you will get there, and you’ll get there faster if you start getting some practice in. Yes, we mean going grocery shopping with Mom the next time she has to.

Deep Cleaning The Fridge

We wouldn’t wish this mother of all nasty surprises on anyone. It is just too frightening. Opening the fridge, being met with a distinctly abnormal stink, rummaging around to find what the source is and then coming across a myriad of furry fruit, bacon that’s so old it is talking and a carton or juice that has leaked down the back and formed a puddle on the bottom is one of the worst days anyone can ever experience. Unfortunately, it will happen and it will happen on a day when you are all alone and, yes, you’ll have to do it. The best thing you can do in this situation is to be prepared. So, stop reading this article right now and go ask your parents what one is supposed to do when met by such an atrocity. Having a plan of attack will be your best form of defence. Of course, if you really can’t handle it, then your best bet is to find out where your nearest scrap yard is, drop it off and buy yourself a new one. Expensive but preferable.

Money Matters You Never Knew About

Right up to the day you leave home, you spend your life in this bubble of beautiful naivety. You live in a nice house, you have electricity, water escapes the faucet when you turn the tap; life is good. But not once did you ever stop to think why or how. The answer is rent and bills. These are things you need to pay in order to enjoy those little luxuries in life. The thing that will strike you hardest, however, is suffering the wrath of getting three-plus bills through the door on the same week, a week where you only have $5.87 to your name because you spent your paycheck on buying a trampoline and bean bags. The best way to prepare for this moment is to be organised. Know when your bills are due and get into the habit of budgeting for them. Actually, get into the habit of budgeting full stop. Yes, when you lived with Mom and Dad, you could go out and buy a Lego Death Star without having to face the consequences too much. Unfortunately, those days are now over. Deal with it.

Spoiler Alert: Leaving Home Is The Absolute Worst

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You Wish Dogs Were Just For Christmas

Yes, the idea of having a pet is great. You’ll have some company to enjoy and a friendly face that is pseudo-pleased to see you when you return from trying to find a job. However, instead of looking at it from an optimistic point of view, it is better to think about it realistically. A pet is less a companion and more another mouth to feed. Then there is that little matter of having to look after them. That means taking them for walks, visiting the vet, dealing with fur balls, your bean bags getting all chewed up, and everything else. Later on in your existence, when you have got used to surviving everyday life, you can become that crazy cat lady. But now, as an adult life virgin, no way, as allwomenstalk.com will attest. You can’t look after or afford to feed yourself, which means you will only be bringing an innocent animal down with you. Pets are amazing, but hold off until you are really ready.

Spoiler Alert: Leaving Home Is The Absolute Worst

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Keeping Friends Is Super-Duper Hard

You would think in this day and age where you have 1,342 friends on facebook, all of whom you can contact immediately on your smartphone would make it easy to stay in touch with your friends. But nope. The whole social media thing is a big old fraud that gives you zero impetus to reach out. Instead, you will find you leave home, get a job, start losing contact with people, make friends with the people in the cubicles next to you and start ignoring phone calls from old friends because life has got in the way. It is a whole new problem. At school, you were forced to be friends with people because you saw them every day in class. It was easy then. It is hard now. The good news is, you will learn that it’s way better to have two great friends that really get you than a thousand that don’t even know your surname.

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